AHS Hotel Episode 11, Battle Royale

Hope you all had a nice holiday, now it’s time to forget about peace and love and get back to the horror and vampires lurking around the Hotel Cortez.  The last installment left several questions; is the Countess dead, who will Ramona eat now that the vampire kids have been consumed?

The episode opens a minute ahead the drama in the Countess’s penthouse.  Liz and Iris load two guns apiece resolved to finally kill the Countess.  Liz implores Iris to be sure she doesn’t survive this attack.  As they enter the room the bullets fly but Donavon stands in front of his lover shielding her from a fatal wound.  Distraught, Iris goes to her dying son.  He implores her, “Don’t let me die here, I don’t want to be trapped with all her other lovers.”  Liz is frustrated because the Countess has fled, but helps Iris drag her son outside.  Bleeding to death in the street, Donavon whispers “Mom, Thank you.”  Its all Iris ever wanted, to be needed by her only son. Iris cries but Donavon is at last free from the Hotel and the Countess.

With vampire speed, the Countess escaped the massacre and now lies bleeding in a dark room with Sally. Thanks to years of using herself as a human pincushion, Sally is able to stitch up the Countess’s multiple bullet wounds.  The Countess is surprised she is helping her at all. Sally, ever tearful, explains, “You can’t leave me, everyone always leaves me.” The Countess assures her she’s not going to die. Sally begins telling a story about her sad and desperate life.

In 1993, she met and played with some famous musicians. (Who were probably just using her for her dope connections.)? In the studio, the couple can’t concentrate on the making music because they’d rather be making love. Sally joins them to get high and have a party at the Hotel Cortez. Liz was at the reception desk and asked them for an extra deposit. They banter a bit about rock versus grunge and then head upstairs for an orgy of sex and drugs. Sally initiates them into her world, injecting them over and over. Finally, she has an idea for them to “stay together” and sutures herself to her new lovers.  The drugs were more then they could handle and both man and woman are foaming at the mouth, dying of overdose.  Ms. Evers pops in and cheerfully does nothing to help. Muttering about fecal stains, Ms. Evers exits the room after posting the “Do not disturb” sign.  Sally lies for days with the corpses until “creature” arrived and began to torture her to the point on insanity.  Sally ripped herself free from the sutures and “has been here ever since.”

The Countess scoffs, “You have serious abandonment issues!” Sally smiles, “That’s where you come in.” Sally demands the Countess help her get John back to the hotel. The Countess is weak, and fears she won’t recover without vampire blood.  She asks Sally to bring Donovan to her, so she can feed off him to heal.  Sally informs her Donavon is dead.  The Countess seems genuinely distraught.

Scarlet has rejoined her serial killer father and vampire mother and brother at their old house.  Scarlet is uneasy with her long lost brother and what he did to the family dog.  Alex tries to explain, “As long as we take our medicine, we’ll be healthy.”  The girl asks the obvious next question, “How?”  John assures his daughter he’ll take care of it. (Don’t ask for the details!)  The adults further impress on their daughter that Holden’s existence has to remain secret.

Sally has found an alternative to Donavon’s blood and brings the Countess two of her children. The Countess protests that taking their blood will kill them. Sally affirms there is no choice; her children will die soon anyway either from starvation or at the hands of Liz and Iris.  The children climb into their mother’s bloody embrace and tell her its okay.  The Countess weeps as Sally accesses the children’s veins.

Liz presents Iris with a coffee can containing Donavon’s remains.  She explains she was able to cremate him using the hotel’s furnace.  Iris is fearful the Countess is still alive; Liz assures her she will soon die.  Iris asks for a moment alone with her son’s remains.  Iris tearfully talks about her son’s mean and stubborn attitude, confessing she acquired those traits from her.  She pours out some cremains on the comforter, rubbing them into the fabric. (Will this cause Donavon to haunt the hotel?)

The Countess rises from bed; the bodies of her children lie lifeless.  Sally asks how she’s feeling. The Countess says simply, “Leave me alone.”

Ms. Evers knocks on Iris’s door and exclaims, “Looks like you’ve had a little accident here!”  Iris is covered in Donavon’s cremains but instructs the maid to clean up the mess with the vacuum.  Ms. Evers asks if she’ll be wanting the cremains back in the container, and Iris says no.  Iris walks up to the roof of the Cortez.  The wind gently blows the ashes from her face and body.

Coming back inside, Iris and Liz discuss what to do about the prisoner Ramona.  Liz insists that they need her to help finally kill the Countess. As the duo enters the darkened floor, they find the bodies of the vampire children.  Liz is shocked and shines her tiny CSI flashlight on the nearly dozen children and the body of Will Drake. Finding the Ramona’s cage empty, they start to run for the exit only to see Ramona in front of them.  Ramona is angry with Iris for locking her up and can’t wait to make her dinner.  Liz pleads for calm, explaining they are working against a common enemy.  Ramona states she “Ate something that didn’t agree with her.” (Her face appears to sport measles, damn you anti-vaxers!) Ramona doesn’t want to feed on “baby aspirin.”  Liz promises her she’ll find her a fresh meal.

Liz and Iris wonder how they will fulfill this promise as they descend to the lobby.  Waiting there is Queenie! (Oscar nominated actress Gabourey Sidibe)  Liz and Iris rush to greet her, Liz carries a baseball bat behind her back.  Queenie explains she’s there to win big on the “Price is Right!”  Liz recognizes her from CNN on a program about her and her coven.  Iris says, “I hope you didn’t have to marry Satan to join!” Queenie scoffs, “That’s actually ignorant and offensive, we were born this way!” (Cue Gaga anthem.) Queenie goes on to explain she is from an ancient bloodline. At the mention of blood, both Liz and Iris become giddy and lead her up to her room.

Queenie senses the room’s dark history and asks for another room. Iris lies and says they are almost at capacity but they’ll see what they can do, advising her to “freshen up.”  Reluctantly Queenie enters the bathroom to wash her face. Out of the bathtub comes ravenous Ramona, “When was the last time you saw a dermatologist, bitch?” Ramona goes to hurt Queenie only to discover she’s only hurting herself.  Queenie informs her, “You don’t know who you’re messing with, I’m a human voodoo doll!” (Nice to see these season 3 actresses reunited.)  Queenie proceeds to beat herself up, all the while causing damage to Ramona.  Ramona thirsts for the witch’s blood, believing it will make her strong.  Suddenly a dagger is plunged into Queenie’s heart by Mr. March.  He cheerfully explains her magic will not work on him because he’s a ghost.  Ramona asks who he is and what he wants.  He explains he needs Ramona to kill the Countess, in the hotel so she will be forced to dwell there forever, with him. He adds Ramona is the only one strong enough to kill the Countess. Ramona agrees while feasting on the witch.

John returns home, with groceries including a live terrified man in the trunk of his car.  John asks, “Have you taken any drugs in the last thirty days? I’m a cop, I could test you!”  Leaving the man behind, John finds his house empty.  He calls out and notices a hotel key dangling from a fixture.

John returns to the dark halls of the Cortez with his gun drawn.  He finds Sally sitting on the bed of his old room. He demands to know what she has done with his family. She denies having done anything, as she is bound to the hotel claiming it was March. Sally reminds John he promised March he’d do one last kill, ironically to represent the commandment, “Thou shall not commit murder.” John wonders where he’ll find a murderer. (In the mirror!) Sally laughs saying it won’t be so hard. His family’s safety depends on it.

Ramona has been revived by Queenie’s blood and looks splendid in a black evening gown borrowed from Liz.  Ramona feels strong and refuses Liz and Iris’s offer of weapons.  Iris informs her the Countess has never been weaker.

The Countess gingerly makes her way back to her suite. She steps over the broken glass, shattered in the attempt on her life. She finds her reserve blood and goes to pour herself a glass. Ramona appears in the doorway behind her. The Countess coos, “Its not the Shamilar that gives you away, it’s your blood. You’re the only woman whose blood smelled like walnuts.” (I’m allergic to walnuts myself!) The two vampires size each other up, flirting while calmly discussing the imminent demise of the one of them.  Ramona finally confesses it’s hard to stay angry with her while she is in the same room with her old lover.  The Countess offers, “Kill me, but screw me first.” The music plays and we assume the former lovers have one last time together.

The Countess has dressed in a long white coat complete and two bags to leave the Cortez.  As the elevator opens, John is waiting for her with a pistol.  He fires, killing her and ruining a super awesome coat.

John goes to the “trophy” room where he proudly displays his latest acquisition, the Countess’s head.  March comes behind him admiring his completion of the “Ten Commandment” murders.  Sally appears behind John, ready to kill him and seal him to the hotel forever.  March stops her, threatening to sick his “creature” on him if she continues to try and hurt John.  March needs John alive to do his further bidding. John resists both ghosts, demanding to be taken to his family.

Mr. March and Ms. Evers await the Countess.  March is concerned she will have difficulty adjusting to her new ghostly form and asks Ms. Evers to with him provide the Countess “ballast.”  March is upset his faithful maid has prepared chipped beef on toast for her first ghostly meal.  The Countess arrives, dressed beautifully in black but she admits to feeling “passionless.”  March assures her she’ll adjust and now that he has succeeded in capturing her, he’s ready to forgive her for turning him into the police.

The Countess denies having told on him, explaining if she wanted him dead, she would have simply killed him.  Ms. Evers makes a startling confession; she was the one who informed the police of his crimes.  She knew he would never be taken alive and wished to die beside him.  Ms. Evers gets down on her knees as she confesses her love for March.  At the end of her speech, she asks March to "Give me a word so that I may be happy!" He gives her two, "Get out!" She removes her pinafore and declares, "I feel strangly free."

The Countess watches the desperate woman with detached amusement.  She asks, "What will you possibly do?" Ms. Evers replies, "There are more stains in heaven and earth then are dreamt of in your philosophy." Having had the last word,  the maid has leaves.  March looks lovingly at the Countess, ecstatic that she must remain with him forever.  A single tear rolls down her face.

It’s near the end of the season and very little remains to be resolved.  With the Countess now a ghost, who will run the hotel?  Perhaps Ramona will take over? John resents being March’s puppet, but how can he and his family break free of the Cortez.  The Hotel remains its own character, with the power to pull and destroy all who enter.  Sadly, the world will never see Queenie win the “Showcase Showdown.” Will only the ghosts survive, who knew their power trumped all other super-naturals?  And will our dirty cop finally be caught? At least “Battle Royale” returned to the fun campy horror complete with cheesy dialogue which makes the series a fun abet sloppy ride to the finish.