One of my favorite things about
this season has been the moody and pulsating theme song. It’s chorus seems an appropriate summary of
Season 2, “Never Mind.” I wish I could
get the eight and a half hours of my life I gave to trying to squeeze lemonade
out of this abysmal season. So it is without any sadness, I enter this last
review.
Ani and Ray are at the dingy
motel engaging in some romantic pillow talk about her experience of being raped
and kidnapped. I want to have empathy
for her but the narrative is so predictably clichéd. Ani describes the “black hole” of her memory
and how she was secretly proud of being singled out, even if it was for
horrendous abusive purposes. Ray
counters with his story about seeking justice for his wife’s attacker, only to
learn he had killed the wrong man. “It
didn’t make anything better.” Ray
declares miserably. As my mother-in-law
used to say, “They used to put me to sleep with this story.” Color me jaded.
Enter the high priest of jaded,
Frank, as he meets his wife in the train station to discuss their escape
plan. Frank tries to channel Walter
White by saying rude things to Jordon so that she leaves without him. Jordon
counters with the best line of the season, “You can’t act worth shit!” Amen to
that! The weary couple declares their
destructive love for one another. Jordon
throws her wedding ring to the street.
Frank pleads he doesn’t want to see her get hurt because of his actions.
It’s a soap worthy dialogue with zero impact.
They part by promising a mythical meeting in Venezuela in two weeks
which both seem to understand will never happen. Jordon leaves. We learn how “Nails” got his nickname, but
who the heck cares?
At the seedy hotel, Ray learns of
Paul’s death from the Lieutenant who shot him.
Ray hangs up and informs Ani he knows it was Burris behind Paul’s
murder, adding that Paul was “better then us.”
I think all three of these actors are on par for a “Razzie” for their
performances. Ani muses how all the
detectives were set up and if there is a chance for “justice” they should try.
Frank goes to Chessani’s mansion
to find the mayor drowned in the pool.
He finds the mayor’s drug addled widow and advises her to get lost, as
this was no suicide but murder by Toni.
Frank wonders where the mayor’s estranged daughter may be, but she is
just another undeveloped character with no real purpose in the series. (A
horrible waste of the talented actress from The Bridge.)
Aerial shots of city and land!
Ray and Ani arrive at Erica’s
house, Caspere’s former secretary and the orphan from the diamond
homicide. It is revealed her brother was
the “set photographer” they met around episode three. He is responsible for shooting Ray in the
creepy bird mask. Erica reveals after
she and her brother were separated, she had a bad foster situation and became a
runaway and teenage prostitute. In an
amazing coincidence, she knew Tasha whom introduced her to the parties where
she met Caspere. It was her brother who
planned the elaborate torture and killing of Caspere. Why was he driven around in the car
posthumously? It was for fun and to ironically visit the land he, which was
going to make him rich. The plan was to
use the hard drive as blackmail to obtain the stolen diamonds. The hard drive
is blank.
Frank calls Osip with a canned
gangster line, “When the lights go out, that’s me!” (Please, leave this stuff
to real actors, like Bryan Cranston.) Ray calls Frank as Ani puts Erica on a
bus to Seattle. (No one will ever find you two states away, geez!) Ani tells
her to “Move on with her life, blah, blah, blah…”
Frank goes to his favorite dive
bar. He secures Ani and Ray’s transport
to Mexico. Frank, Captain Obvious, tells
her, “Everything is ending.” The depressing singer sings in the background
about death, she makes Nirvana seem like a party band!
Ray channels his inner redneck in
a jean jacket and a cowboy hat. He sees
himself on the news as he enters the train station to meet Burris. Len is
waiting in a hoodie, Ray vows he “Wants them too.” Len agrees to let him try to exchange the
hard drive for the diamonds with Burris. Ray tells the corrupt chief that Len
is dead and he will exchange the drive and the documents for his name being
cleared. Ray says he knows the
“shootout” was a set-up. Burris offers
to let “Ani take the blame for everything.” Then the chief says Caspere was
actually Len and Erica’s father. (Meaning the orphan shot his own father,
irony!) Len, who was sitting behind the chief, springs to action and stabs
Burris. The crooked Lieutenant and Ani
come out of hiding and start shooting.
Burris and Len end up dead. Ani
and Ray do a slow-motion “Baywatch run.” Then we head up in the sky for more
aerial shots of everywhere!
The depressing singer serenades
Ray and Ani back to the sleazy bar. Frank meets Ani for the first time. He asks
her to send a message to Jordon in Venezuela. “Tell her I wanted to be there.”
Ray and Frank have a final heart
to heart. He advises Ray to run. Ray learns Blake was the one who gave him
faulty intel on his wife’s attacker.
Frank assures him he died a slow and painful death. Frank discloses the details regarding the
money transfer with Osip. The plan is to
rob him to finance their respective escapes.
The backstory on the scarred bar owner is Ray caught the man who
disfigured her face and Frank gave her the bar.
Sweet, but who cares at this point?
Ray and Ani have a private
moment. She asks him, “If I asked you to run right now, would you?” Ray says he
might, but he’s obviously not going to exit this episode alive. The pair tragically hold hands.
Aerial shots of landscape and
freeways! Ray and Frank break into Pitlor’s clinic in effort to steal his
patients files for evidence. The much-morphed Rick Springfield is in his office
with his wrists cut in another apparent “suicide.” (Here lies the remains of
another potentially decent performance killed by this horrible script!)
Ray and Frank don gas masks and
strap on heavy weapons as they spy on Osip’s cabin. (Maybe they were trying to
harken back to Season 1 and the mystery of the man in the gas mask and
underwear? If so, it was just sad.) The duo fires some tear gas, shot the
security detail outside and enter the cabin.
Osip makes a desperate plea to Frank and is shot in the head. (Another
under-scripted character bites the dust!) The men kill the all the bad guys and
remove large sums of cash as dramatic rock music plays.
The criminal and ex-cop say
goodbye in an industrial area. Frank
implores Ray to “Stay down south.” Ray replies, “That’s the plan.” It is clear
he will do something to mess up this plan.
Frank sets fire to his Land Rover and hops into his Audi. (Shameless
product placement.) Wait, another dramatic aerial shot!
Ray calls Ani to tell her he’s on
his way. She reminds him the boat leaves
at three. Frank exchanges the cash for
diamonds with the Orthodox Jews. Ray looks at the picture of his son, and
decides to make a detour to Laurel Canyon.
Frank picks up his passport from the weary Armenians. I’m a little puzzled to why the show worked
so hard to fit in all these intricate details no one cares about since the
story was so weak. But, never mind.
Like a moth to the flame, Ray is
back to see his old house and spy on his son.
He has a tail in the form of a black Chevy SUV, which you think he would
have detected with his true detective skills! Chad, the most unlikely spawn of
Ray, is playing a game with the nerd kids at recess. Ray notices he has his
grandfather’s badge on display. Chad
sees Ray and gives a salute. As Ray returns
to his car, he notices some liquid underneath the vehicle and sees a tracking
transponder has been placed. Ray lights
a cigarette and drives off, followed by the Chevy SUV.
Frank’s car is blocked and men
jump out to kidnap him. At the ramshackle bar, Ani finally changes her ugly
hair for even uglier hair. Ray calls and tells her about how he took a detour
to see his son and now he’s being tracked.
He implores her to get on the boat as planned. Ani hands the phone to
the bar owner, Ray tells her the truth, “I’m not going to make it.”
Another aerial shot, drink! Frank is seen in Death Valley surrounded by
cars and armed men. Ray is taping a voice message to his son, trying to explain
why he can’t act himself out of a box! Tellingly, he refers to himself in the
past tense.
Another aerial shot! Ray is
driving in the woods, as he desperately tries to upload his voice message to
his son. Come on Ray, kids don’t know
what voice messages even are and you’re roaming! Ray exits his car and leaves
the large duffel bag of cash to have a dramatic foot race with the men pursuing
him.
Meanwhile, Frank makes a
tentative agreement with the Mexicans, one million dollars for his life. One man asks Frank to throw in the suit off
his back and Frank decides to stab him instead.
Frank is shot in the gut and left to die. He had the diamonds in his
suit, but not much use when you’re dead.
Ray runs through the redwoods
chased by well-armed men. He shoots a
few, as the evil Lieutenant calls to him, “You still have time!” (To make
implausible stupid decisions? Sure.)
Frank is pursued by the ghost of his mean old man, as he walks though
the valley of death. Ani has boarded the
boat and looks enigmatically at the sea.
Ray looks up at the trees as the bad Lieutenant asks him, “Where is
Bezzarides?”
Ray replies, “In a better place.”
Ray proceeds to run out from behind the trees and commit “death by cop.” On the
ground, Ray’s iPhone has failed to upload his phone message to his son. Ani senses his death on her boat to Mexico.
(Is she seasick or pregnant?)
Frank continues to stumble onward
until he sees Jordon in the white dress she planned to wear to meet in
Venezuela. She smiles at him and informs
him he died a while back, but with Vince Vaughn, the viewer could hardly tell
the difference!
Aerial shot of the trees. Ray’s father learns of his death from the
news while his ex-wife opens the DNA results, which prove Ray was Chad’s
father. (I couldn’t have been more surprised if Jerry Springer himself was the
father!) Paul is remembered by a “memorial freeway” even though he was accused
of bad things. Toni Chessani is sworn in as the new mayor of Vinci because
corruption never dies! Ani is heard in a voice-over stating, “We deserve a
better world.” I suppose this is a nod back to her conversation with Ray, “We
get the world we deserve.” But all I can
really think about is how we deserved a much better season!
Final moments are in Venezuela. Ani has had Ray’s baby, who looks just like Ray. Jordon is an awesome nanny. Ani meets with the LA Times reporter to give him the evidence to hopefully expose a whole season’s worth of convoluted nonsense about diamonds, homicide and hookers. She and Jordon take to the streets where celebration is in full swing. The depressed bar singer adds the soundtrack to the final aerial view and it’s over at last!
