AHS Hotel Episode 9, She Wants Revenge

Apologies for the tardiness of this recap, it directly corresponds for my fatigue with the macabre subject matter, which is AHS.  Even at its best, in these dark times its just a bit too damn depressing.

The episode opens with the Countess, reminiscing of her past hundred years of loves and pain.  Especially painful is how March managed to rip her away from the Sheik and Natasha.  She enters the lobby to discuss her upcoming nuptials with Will Drake. He envisions an “event of the season” while the Countess wants to keep it simple. (Since she plans to murder him the next day.) They part ways, the plans unresolved.  The Countess orders Liz to order her some flowers for the big day. Liz is still enraged about her coldblooded murder of Tristan.  The Countess tries to pour salt in her wound by saying Tristan never loved her.  Liz claims she didn’t know him, and she will not be helping her order flowers or anything else.

The Countess resumes her voice over narration on how she has been wronged by those she’s “helped so much.” Alex brings her a glass of blood.  On the news, there is a report of a homeless man found with his blood drained; a group of children might have been witnesses. (Finally, the troupe of vampire children from Halloween resumes.) A call comes in from a private investigator; he’s tracked down Valentino to a seedy motel.  After another costume change, the Countess pays a visit to her former lover. He accepts her with open arms. They go inside his room for some sexy time.

A quick exterior of the Hotel Cortez is shown.  The Countess is having relations, but not with Valentino but her former lover Donovan.  Donovan begs her to not love anyone else but him. (They can have other lovers however.) She agrees, but reminds him she’s getting married on Wednesday, but “I’ll be a widow by Thursday.” This is agreeable to Donavon, as is her plan to clean up the hotel. He asks only, “Who shall we kill first?”

It’s Iris’s turn to do a voice over.  She explains her disgust for modern pornography when “Storm Cock” and two adult actors check-in.  She confesses becoming immortal has turned her into a “Dirty Harriet.”  She knocks on the door where Storm Cock is shooting his film.  She kills him, then the female actress as the man runs and hides in the bathroom.  Iris feels she’s becoming someone Donavon would be proud of.  On cue, Donavon appears noting the door is ajar.  He looks at his mother, using an ice bucket to catch the female’s blood and he is impressed.  Iris is worried; the Countess woke her up in the night after Bartholemew went missing.  She suspected Donavon or Iris.  Iris told her it was Ramona who freed her baby.  Donavon explains he has a master plan, part of which is to make the Countess think they are back together.  

A touching moment occurs in the penthouse between Will and his son Laclan.  He explains he is bisexual and the Countess is “the one.” Ms. Evers appears and puts a damper on his mood.  She asks him pointedly whether she should bring him a knife or a gun because clearly he wants to kill himself.  She assures him the Countess is “pure poison who will suck you dry.”  Will mentions he has a pre-nup, but Ms. Evers persists she will literally suck him dry.  She has a flashback to the time before Mr. March married the Countess and broke her heart.  Will fires her, and she leaves but says she will soon watch him die and have to scrub the blood and shit out of his fancy formal wear. Ouch!

Downstairs on the “March” floor the Countess instructs the contractor to change Will’s plans for the remodel.  The man is hesitant, especially without the permission of the owner.  The Countess assures it is to be a “wedding gift” to store Drake’s collection.  March appears with a few off the wall comments about the construction. He introduces himself as a “silent partner.” (Great euphemism for ghost!) The man leaves and the Countess aims her rage at March.  She wants him out of her life. “You’re still mad about that dago?”  She claims Valentino was her one true love as she walks away, ordering him to finish the construction by Wednesday.

Donovan knocks on Ramona’s door bearing a gift, a man tied up.  Ramona is unimpressed and thinks he lacks the will to complete their plan of revenge.  He tells her how he reunited with the Countess, only to realize he’s fallen for her all over again and he needs her help.  She applauds his candor, and they hook up the poor man to the dialysis machine and begin to drink his cleansed blood.  Donavon asks why it’s taken her so long to seek revenge on the Countess.  Ramona confides the details of her absence.  She sought comfort with her parents.  Her mother was ill with a lung ailment and her father was developing dementia.  After her mother passed, her father became worse.  One night, robbers broke into the house and killed the old man. In desperation, she gave him her blood. It revived him but his mind remained demented. He didn’t know what he was and she would bring him blood.  She came home to find he had killed two other would be robbers and decided it was time to end his suffering.  She drowned her father in the bathtub.  After leaving her parents house, she saw how the world had changed.  Her movies were streaming free on Hulu! (Did no one tell her about the monthly fee?) She was again recognized on the street. This helped her remember all the Countess had taken from her.  Donovan seems satisfied by her explanation. They toast, cementing their plan against the Countess.

Alex watches as a pizza is delivered to a mansion.  The deliveryman doesn’t come back and Alex enters the house.  She finds a pile of bodies and the group of vampire school kids.  She introduces herself to Max, reminding him he was her doctor and she used her blood to save his. “Cool.”  But then the kids go back to drinking the blood of the delivery guy. (Who looks a little like Justin Timberlake.)?  Maddy refuses to drink the blood, she’s tired of killing people.  The kids have killed their parents that is why “No one is looking for them.” (Don’t these children have any other family and wouldn’t somebody miss a dozen murdered adults? Silly me looking for plot holes in a show about vampires and ghosts.)  Max is the ringleader and orders Alex out.  Alex points out they will be looking for the delivery guy and have their address.  The kids decide to leave, telling Alex she can stay and explain the pile of bodies in the living room.  Kids these days have no respect.

Ramona is ready to make her move.  Donovan leads the way, telling her the Countess is drugged and asleep.  Ramona sneers she’s sorry the Countess won’t know who killed her and why.  She plans to stab her in the heart and cut off her head to make sure she “stays dead.”  But as Ramona hovers over the Countess, she gets tazed and carried away by Donavon to the room with the neon cages.  Iris sees him carrying Ramona and first thinks its part of the larger plan.  Donavon reveals he loves the Countess and they are going to take down all her enemies.  Iris is frantic, she tells her son the Countess only cares about herself and he will be hurt all over again. Ramona comes to in the cage and adds, “Listen to your mother.”  Cameras have been set up in the cage room for the Countess’s enjoyment of her enemies suffering.

The Countess returns to Valentino at the seedy motel.  He is upset by the changes in the world but his lady Natacha is out enjoying credit cards and Uber.  The Countess expresses her desire to be rid of Natacha so she can have him all to herself.  She assures him she will be fantastically rich in a few days and together they can create the Hotel to be an alternative to the modern world.  Natacha returns from her shopping, noting they now have a store called “Valentino’s.”  She is repulsed by the notion of returning to the Hotel Cortez, having been imprisoned there for so many decades.  The Countess assures her March is dead.  The women plan some private time, which will likely be the end of Natacha.

The actually wedding ceremony is skipped, but the Countess appears in her exquisite gown, which her groom designed.  She coos she needs to go upstairs to change into her “travelling” clothes.  On her way upstairs, she hands her bouquet to Liz, wishing her the gift of true love despite having murdered Tristan.  Will heads to the bar to help himself to a beverage.  Mr. March appears and the men toast the bride. (Little does he know they share!)? Mr. March applauds Will for being so “progressive” undertaking the blending of their families.  Will states the Countess adores his son, but Mr. March has a surprise for him, the Countess also has a son. He brings will to the infant’s room and Will is mortally terrified of the creature in the black bassinet.  The Countess emerges and chides him for saying such hateful things; she had planned on killing him in Paris but now will make his death slow and painful.  Drake is shut in to the area where Ramona is held.

Will looks up at her, confused and angry. Ramona explains to him this isn’t a dream and pleads with him to release her from her cage.  Once free, the two wander the halls to discover they are trapped and no one can hear them scream. Will panics, knowing they will starve.  Ramona strikes at him, declaring, and “I won’t!” and opens his neck to feed. Ms. Evers appears and looks down smiling at her former employer, just as she had promised earlier in the episode.  Upstairs, the Countess watches the action via her closed circuit cameras, revealing in the pain of her enemies.

This episode had more costume changes then a Cher concert.  I think Lady Gaga may wear her own clothes or at least have a hand in their selection.  This installment was more about style then substance.  While I enjoy the campy antics of Mr. March and Ms. Evers, this season has been truly horrific in terms of murder and torture.  Given the state of the world, its been harder for me to enjoy it knowing torture and murders like these occur.  Maybe vampires don’t exist, but the greedy and hateful nature of humans is much like the fictional vampire.  At least in the real world, hate and despair isn’t immortal.