Last week ended with Alex turning into a vampire. The
Countess warned her the process would be challenging. The episode opens with Alex at the hospital,
treating the measles kid, whose disease has taken a turn for worse, including
pneumonia. The mother is frantic, it’s been suggested to her by another doctor
maybe the boy should be made a “do not resuscitate.” Alex has a hard time focusing on the woman’s
words since her senses have been heightened, she hears and sees pulsing blood
in the living. Alex leaves to go to the
bathroom where she checks her own temperature; it reads a corpse like
seventy-five degrees. (The same as he son’s.) Desperate to feed, Alex raids the
blood bank. She returns to the bathroom
and uses a syringe to draw her own blood.
She enters the child’s room and closes the blinds, then injects her
blood into his IV. The boy’s heart rate
jumps dramatically and he appears to be seizing. Did she just kill her patient?
Donovan and Iris ring the door of Romona Royale’s
mansion. The butler complains its four
am, but the couple insists on being seen.
Romona is upset, “Who’s this?” she asks. Donovan replies, “The answer to
your prayers.” Donovan explains his mother
could be their secret weapon to get close to the Countess. Romona scoffs at Iris’s condition, she
appears intoxicated. Donovan implores
Romona to work with him and Iris to make “her bleed.” Romona knows Iris is not
merely drunk; Donovan has turned her, which she thinks was reckless. “I like
reckless!” Romona exclaims. Iris is
concerned the Countess will know she is different. Donovan insists Iris is the best decoy to
launch their revenge plans because the Countess never notices her.
Back at the hospital, the child with measles is cured! His rash is gone and his mother and the nurse
consider it a miracle. Alex seems
reluctant to take credit for his “cure” and hugs the mother awkwardly.
Iris stumbles back into the Hotel Cortez’s lobby, Liz is at
the reception desk and asks, “Where the hell have you been? You look like
shit!” Liz thinks Iris needs a little
“hair of the dog” to ease her pain. Iris
is doubtful until she sees Liz pour her a glass of the Countess’s special
stash. Liz advises her, “You’ll need
fresh blood soon.” Iris is doubtful she
can adjust to her new immortal life. She
laments she will be forever stuck in current body and life where she feels
invisible. Liz advises her to embrace her
new form but maybe try some violet eye shadow.
A breakfast of eggs and bacon sits on the table. Beneath it lays the body of a smartly dressed
man in a pool of blood. A woman lies on
the floor near him, her throat cut as she struggles to breathe; it’s the
anti-vaccination mom! The child Alex
cured has become a vampire. He’s dressed
as Capitan Hook and wipes the blood off his face and hurries off to catch the
school bus.
The boy, Max, arrives at school with tales of his near-death
experience told to impress his friends.
The teacher asks him to remove his plastic sword, because “No weapons
are allowed at school.” (I had this experience at the mall on Halloween, we had
to conceal or remove my son’s plastic light-saber.) Max shows his classmate a knife he has stashed
inside his boot. Max and his friend Madeline,
who is dressed as a witch, go to an empty room to talk. He explains to her he was sick but feels so
much better now. They kiss, but she
pulls away because she bit her lip. (50 Shades of 5th grade!) He
bites his own lip and asks her to taste his blood. In the next room, their teacher, Ms. Prichard
finally notices two of her pupils are missing. Madeline complains of “Feeling
itchy all over!” Ms. Pritchard finds the
students but Max quickly cuts her throat and commands Madeline to drink her
blood to “feel better.”
It’s unclear what’s happened to Ms. Pritchard’s class, but
they all seem to be writhing in agony, experiencing what Max did with the
measles. Another teacher comes to
investigate and finds Madeline feeding on the deceased Ms. Prichard. Madeline
exclaims, “It’s not my fault!” Max
appears and cuts the throat of the male teacher. He instructs his stricken classmates to feed
on the second teacher’s blood to be cured. (How they all became infected is a
mystery, unless he blood-kissed everyone in class.)
At the office, the administrators are discussing the
political correctness of one woman’s Native American costume. (Another typical
California topic) The male teacher has
managed to escape the hungry hoard of kids and falls down bleeding near the
office door. The “Lock-down” procedure is implemented; soon a SWAT team and the
media are racing towards the school. The
police find all the adults dead in the school office. The vampire kids are
huddled in the gym, covered with blood. When the SWAT team finds them, they
reassure the kids, “Don’t be afraid, you’re safe now!”
The new vampire children make there way outside. Madeline
explains to an officer they were attacked by a man in black, wearing a
facemask. Another investigator approaches Max to question him. Max says with
dead confidence, “I know exactly what happened!” Parents are reunited with
their children, unaware of what has really happened inside. As a viewer, I’m confused. How did all the
kids turn and why are they okay walking in broad daylight, and when will they
have the urge to kill their parents for food as Max did?
John is being questioned about his outrageous story
regarding “Devil’s Night.” It does sound
crazy in the cold light of day. The
sergeant is incredulous, people masquerading as infamous serial killers? John insists they are recreating the crimes
of Dahmer, Ramirez and Gacy. But John is
convinced that Mr. March is the “Ten Commandment Killer.” He implores his superior to search every inch
of the Hotel Cortez, “down to the studs, if you have too!” to uncover the
evidence of his crimes. The sergeant has heard enough from John. He feels John has never been the same since
Holden disappeared and wants him out of the job. He adds, “Your pension is safe.” John
surrenders his badge and his gun but warns, “Nothing is safe!”
A couple strolls into the hotel lobby. The man, (Darren Criss of Glee!) asks Iris if
they have special rates for “influencers.” The couple wants a discounted rate,
since its late Halloween night and they want to “Hide out and smoke out!” (Some
events in the episode seem to take place late Halloween night, but the school
massacre was during the day?) The couple remains obnoxious as hipsters can be,
the woman complaining about everything from the polyester sheets to the
scratchy towels. Iris accepts the abuse
as she’s always done.
Returning to reception, she spies Liz reading
“Candide.” The Countess and Tristan appear,
dressed in white and black for a fancy evening out. The Countess hones in on Iris, coming in
close and appearing to sniff her. Iris
fidgets, “Can I do anything?” She asks Iris to tell Drake he is invited to the
party they are attending at Demi’s. The
Countess notes, “You seem nervous!”
Tristan adds “And you smell different, you’re sweating.” Iris tries to explain its just Halloween
makes her nervous. The vampire couple
leave and the phone rings.
Iris answers, it’s the hipster couple demanding “grilled
romaine” and other artisanal treats the Hotel likely doesn’t carry. Iris cries as she puts down the phone. Liz offers to help. In the kitchen, Liz uses “Fancy Feast” for
the couple’s pate. “Cat food smells worse then cat poop!” Iris notes. Liz says her secret is “You see everything
when no one sees you.” As they bond,
Iris realizes this conversation is the longest one they’ve ever had. Iris admits she didn’t know how to talk to
Liz, but insists she’s not homophobic.
Liz asserts she’s not gay and Iris is surprised. Liz decides to share the story of her
transformation.
In 1984, he had a marriage of convenience and was living in
Topeka, Kansas. He traveled a lot for his job with Eli Lily as a pharmaceutical
representative. (Actually, this was few years before Eli Lily was made a
household name by developing Prozac but close enough.) He married Tracy mainly because they shared
the same dress size. When traveling,
Doug stayed in and only found happiness when he was alone and able to dress as
a woman. He was surprised one night in
his room by the Countess. She told him
she’d been watching him, he dressed and acted like a man but his blood smelled
like a woman. Doug begins to cry, he
feels ugly. The Countess disagrees, “You
are beautiful, you just lack commitment.
Become who you were born to be, a goddess.” (Straight from the lines of
Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way”) The Countess helps him transform, as “Bettie Davis
Eyes” plays in the background. Liz
recalls, “I was her living doll.” She
christens him “Liz Taylor” and encourages her, freshly made up, and bald, to go
out with her. Liz balks, but finally
agrees to go down the hallway to fetch some ice.
Liz recalls that first walk as her true self; “I was Venus
in the clamshell.” On the way back from
the ice machine, Liz runs into her fellow pharmaceutical reps, who accuse her
of being a f*g88t and giving them AIDS. (For 1984, this was unfortunately
routine.) Liz finds her voice and yells
back at the men. The Countess quickly
silences the men, using her silver knifed glove. Liz is stunned. But Liz decided to stay human and the
Countess hired her. Liz admits she lost
contact with her ex and kids. Liz advises Iris to stop taking shit from people,
and to start by teaching those hipsters a lesson!
Iris wheels up the room service tray. Justin (Darren Criss) asks her to come
in. On the television, the news shows
the attack on the school. Justin asks if
Iris is okay, because she “Looks like shit.”
The couple berates her for screwing up their order but admit the pate is
good. (Meow!) Justin complains about
Drake’s hotel, the “ugly” wait staff among other non-hip things. The woman asks
if Iris has “Alzheimer’s or something” then yelps, complaining how Iris almost
cut her toe. Iris takes the corkscrew
and cuts the obnoxious woman’s throat.
Justin calls out lamely, “Help us!”
Iris soon shuts him up too with a knife to his back. Iris rants as she kills, “You think the world
didn’t exist before you were born!
You’ve never had to suffer, be gutted and scrape yourself off the floor!
I MATTER!” She proceeds to drink their
entitled blood!
John wakes up next to Sally.
He is stunned, “How did you get in?”
Sally is upset he doesn’t remember how John “Practically dragged me up
here.” John sees flashes of the night
they’ve shared, drinking, followed by sex in the elevator and in the hotel
room. He is ashamed, and asks her to
leave. Sally fumes, “Something real
happened here! You remember, you can’t fight destiny!”
Iris and Liz wheel a cart down the hall. Iris thanks Liz stating she feels “Deeply
changed.” She wonders if she went too far.
Liz assures her she did the right thing, and helps load the couple down
the “disposal chute.” She shares the
hipster’s wine with Liz, adding, “I never knew how to live until I died!”
Alex dresses carefully in black. The Countess, dressed in white, brings her
Holden. The Countess instructs Holden to “Give Mommy a kiss.” Holden hugs Alex,
noting, “You’re just like me.” Alex savors the moment. The Countess informs her she will serve as
the children’s governess. The Countess
also threatens her relationship with Holden if she fails in her new
duties. Alex is worried that John will
recognize the change in her. The Countess tells her not to worry about
him. Alex is instructed to put Holden to
bed, and she protests they have just been reunited. The Countess says, “You still don’t
understand, you and Holden will now have forever.” Alex leads he son to his
coffin, it’s now built for two and she is able to settle in besides her son and
sleep…
I do have some questions about the episode but does logic
really apply with American Horror Story.
The show seems to becoming more and more about the vampires and they are
a bit dull. The creation of the vampire
class is troubling. When are folks going to learn what really happened at the
school? Where is the “creature?” And if
Sally is a ghost, and having relations with John, is he a ghost as well? What happened to the Ten Commandment killer
is he even real or just the ghost of Mr. March running around Los Angeles
committing new murders. I’m sad Angela
Bassett only had one scene this week; I’m ready for more “Foxy Romona!” So many
questions, but it’s still a fun, campy and frustrating show.
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